WEDDING ARRANGEMENTS AND TRADITIONAL RITUALS OF TAMILS

                                         





Tamil people are known for their simple life style and great education. The wedding of Tamil people consists of age old customs and traditions. They are very bounded to their spiritual symbols rather than lavish affair, pomp and shows. The wedding rituals has slight differences according to their regions and communities.There are customs without which a wedding will most definitely be deemed incomplete. The weddings are conducted in all the months except the months of AADI(mid of july to mid of august) and MARGAZHI( mid of december to mid of january). Not only marriages, also other family ceremonies would not be conducted in these two months, also no one raises even the conversation of marriage. These two months is devoted for God rituals like THIRUVIZHA. The wedding can be classified as Brahmin's wedding and non-Brahmin's wedding. Here we are to see about non-Brahmin's wedding. Along with this rituals Brahmin's have some more rituals to be performed.

Most of the marriages are arranged marriages, organized by the elders of the family. The process of a marriage starts with matching the horoscopes of the bride and the groom. If the horoscope is matched, the wedding rituals have a start from there. Let us see some of the traditional rituals of a Tamil wedding which is followed in this modern world.

In all the rituals  SEER VARISAI is so important. In this many plates or trays( thaambala thattu) will be kept.The number of this plates will be in odd numbers, mostly 9 or 11 or 15 or 21 according to their financial levels. In that plates, fruits (different fruits in separate plates), garland, flowers, dress, jewels, betel leaves and betel nut, coconut, sweets and other items according to their traditions would be arranged.

1. PORUTHAM PARTHAL( MATCHING OF HOROSCOPES): Matching of a couple is done by horoscope matching. In this 10 matching are seen using the Vedic guidelines under which minimum 7 should be there including some important matching. According to the stars of those couple the wedding date and other rituals will be decided and fixed.

2. VEEDU ARIDHAL: This is visiting the houses of the bride and groom. They fix an auspicious date to visit the bride's house and to see their life style, customs and culture.The same for the groom. After this visit, if they are satisfied they sit together to discuss about the dowry( its a system followed by Tamil people where the bride's family would give cash, jewels, house hold things, vehicle, property,etc according to their financial and education status).

3. KAI NANAITHAL( HAVING FEAST AT BRIDE AND GROOMS' PLACE): After they are satisfied with the customs and culture of both the families and the dowry, they fix a day to have a feast in their houses. Bride's family along with some important relatives will go to the groom's house. The number of members will always be odd number, mostly 9, 11, 21 as such. The same will be followed by the grooms family. By having the feast together they confirm the wedding. For this custom bride is not allowed to visit the groom's house. Till the marriage is over bride is not allowed to go to groom's house.

THIRUMANA MANDAPAM ( MARRIAGE HALL): Marriage hall should be fixed before the engagement takes place. Some people keep the engagement in wedding halls. But most of the people, in bride's house. Before the engagement the wedding hall should be fixed, so that the wedding date and venue will be declared on the betrothal function. This is done because there may be many weddings in some months, so it is necessary to fix it beforehand.

4. NICHAYATHARTHAM( ENGAGEMENT): This is the betrothal or engagement function arranged mostly by the bride's family. This function is conducted either in bride's house or in party halls according to their wishes. Traditionally it is held in bride's house. This is the function which makes an agreement of the wedding. The wedding date and venue will be declared on this day. For this function the bride's family should arrange feast, dress for groom, jewel( ring or chain or both) for groom, garlands and flowers and a priest to conduct the rituals of this ceremony. The groom's family along with their relations will arrive to the bride's house with gifts( seer varisai),  jewel and dress( mostly silk sari) for bride.

GARLAND EACH OTHER

EXCHANGE FINGER RINGS

LAGNA PATHTHIRIKAI VAASITHAL( VEDIC GUIDE LINES): This is to read the names of the bride and groom along with their father, grand-father and families name and place. A purohit (either Brahmin's priest or caste priest) who conducts the rituals of this ceremony will read this and will be signed by elders of both the families. After checking the names, he reads the place and date of the wedding to be held. He also asks for the consent of everyone present over there. If there is any mistake or issues related to that can be made right at that time. He also declares about the dowry given by the bride's family. After it is finished they give the dress to the bride and groom to wear it. The priest gives the garlands to the bride and groom to garland each other. He also gives the finger rings, so that the bride wears it on the grooms finger and groom to the bride, which is an important ritual of this ceremony. After this all are invited  by the bride's father to have their feast.Mostly the gap between the engagement and marriage would be 3 to 6 months time. This time is given to prepare themselves for the marriage. Mostly purchases and inviting the guests are done during this period.

5. KALYANA PATHTHIRIKAI ( INVITATION CARD): Invitation card preparation is a great process for Tamil people, since they include some pages in their invitations to write the names of their relations. If some name is missing, it creates a big problem, which sometimes leads to breaking of relationships. So both the members of bride and groom sit together and discuss the names and the number of cards to be printed. The traditional way is that groom's family will print the wedding cards and give to the bride's family. If at all it is found that some names missing even after proof reading, the invitations are printed again. In this way the importance and respect is given to the relationships in Tamil culture. After the invitation is printed  they select an auspicious day to do pooja for this cards. They pray to their family god( kula deivam) first.

After that it is distributed to the relations in person. They keep some fruits, betel leaves and betel nut, flower, dress and some cash like 11 or 101 or 1001 along with the invitation in a tray, and then give it to the eldest male in the families. This inviting is followed for important and close relatives. For others just betel leaves and betel nut, flower and invitation kept in a tray. Thaai Maaman( male siblings of mother) relation is given the utmost preference in all the rituals of the Tamil traditions. So the first invitation will be given to him.

WEDDING DRESS FOR BRIDE AND GROOM

6. WEDDING DRESS: The dress purchase for bride and groom is done on an auspicious day. They get a date from the priest to purchase the wedding dress.Members from bride and groom gather together to select the silk sari for the bride and silk dhoti and shirt for the groom. Another sari called Koorai pudavai( a cotton sari normally in red or yellow shades) is purchased for the wedding day rituals( especially Thaali kattu) and then they change for silk sari which is the traditional way. Another set of dress for reception. Nowadays modern attires holds place in wedding receptions. Mostly Suite for groom and silk sari or lehenga for bride is worn commonly.


7. SEER( GIFTS): Bride's family fix some dates to purchase house hold things, dresses, jewels and many more things. House hold things such as cooking utensils and other things such as refrigerator, cot and bed, wardrobes and many things as they accept to give are purchased. All the dress for the bride like saris, and its accessories and casual wears are also bought. Jewels are purchased as they accepted to give like they say in sovereign.Main jewels would be bangles, ear rings, anklet, bracelet, chain, necklace nose ring, finger ring and many other modern jewels. 

Groom's family fix a day to purchase some jewels to the bride. The traditional symbol for the bride, the Thaali will be purchased only on the wedding day. Each community and region in Tamil Nadu has different symbols of Thaali. So they select their family culture's and pay for it before hand. But they will get it from that shop or Goldsmith only on the wedding day or a day before, since the tradition says Thaali should not be kept at home. They also purchase toe ring which is other symbol of the married women of Tamil Nadu.Mostly wedding should be conducted by the groom's family. In some communities wedding will be conducted by the bride's family.Such wedding is called as Kannigadhanam or Kanyadhaan( giving away the daughter).

8. PANDHAKAL NADUDHAL: This ceremony is done 3 to 5 days before the wedding date. The priest selects the day and time for this ceremony. Pooja will be done to a lengthy bamboo stick by sumangalis( married women lives with their husbands) in odd numbers. Then that stick will be planted at the corner of the entrance of the house. This is done to show that, that house has a wedding ceremony. Once this is done, the bride or groom will not be sent out of the house till the wedding ceremony completes.

9. NALUNGU: After pandhakaal, nalungu will be kept for the bride and groom in their respective houses by their relatives. This will be done for minimum 3 to 5 days. During these days the close relations of bride or groom will keep nalungu for them. They wake the bride or groom in the early morning and make them

bath and wear new dress brought by the person or family who keeps nalungu on that day. Then they will call some sumangalis in odd numbers and ask them to keep sandal and vermilion to the bride and groom. Some gifts will be given to those sumangalis. This ritual is done to make the bride and groom happy and stress free and the things used in this ceremony like sandal, turmeric, rose water, etc will make their faces bright and clear. Nowadays they go for parlour to do facials before wedding. Marudhaani idudhal(Henna designs) is done during this time. This henna not only gives colour to hands but its a herb which makes stress free. So the fear of marriage is overcome by the bride and groom through these customs. Traditionally they followed these methods and many of them follow it even today.

10.  MULAIPARI PODUTHAL or PALLIKAI THELICHAL: In this ritual women from the bride's family fill the earthen pots with nine types of grains along with curd. They nurture and water them till the grains sprout.This ritual symbolises an auspicious beginning of a new family.After the wedding, the bride and groom immerse the pot in river to feed the fishes. This custom seeks the blessings from the God of Nature.

11. SUMANGALI POOJAI: In sanskrit, Sumangali refers to married woman whose husband is still alive. In Hindu traditions only sumangalis can perform certain auspicious rituals. During this pooja the bride-to-be offers prayers to the ancestral sumangalis of their family and seeks their blessings for her prosperous married life. They invite someof the elder sumangalis in odd numbers from their families to bless the bride. 

12. MANGALA NEERADUTHAL( HOLY BATH): This ritual takes place at the dawn of the wedding day in both, the bride and groom’s houses respectively. Women smear turmeric paste, sandal powder, rose water, kumkum and sesame oil on the bride and the groom as they are considered to cleanse the skin and enhance the beauty before they take the purifying bath. After this bath, bride does the Gauri pooja. It is the pooja offered to the Goddess Gauri to maintain the virtue and bless the bride with long and happy married life. This is done by the bride alone.

13. VIRATHAM( FASTING): On the day of wedding the bride and groom should be in fasting till the wedding ceremony completes. This is done to cleanse their body 

14. MAPILAI AZHAIPU or WEDDING PROCESSION: The wedding procession starts with the Pen Azhaipu( bride procession) or Mapilai Azhaipu( groom procession). If the bride's family conducts the wedding they do Mapilai Azhaipu and vice versa. This procession starts from a nearby temple to the wedding hall. Mostly car is used for this. The car will be decorated with flowers.

15. KASI YATHIRAI: Kashi Yatra is, in fact, an interesting and fun custom. The groom pretends to leave for a pilgrimage Kashi to devote himself to God. He starts to walk away with a walking stick and an umbrella with bare foot that he is not interested in marriage life. At this point, the bride’s brother or father intervenes and woos the groom to take their girl and get in to the married life. In return, the groom’s family gifts bride’s brother a gold ring.

16. MUHURTHAM (WEDDING DAY RITUALS): After the bride and groom are seated in the manavarai( the platform in wedding hall where the wedding rituals take place), the priest continues his mantras and rituals along with the bride and groom's family with the first offering to lord Ganesh. The rituals symbolizes the importance of the relatives and relationships of bride and groom.

Padha Poojai: The main ritual is padha poojai. The bride and groom will wash the foot of their parents and keep sandal and vermilion on their feet and shower flowers to get their blessings. 

Machaan Modhiram: In this the male sibling of the bride(machaan relation for groom)should put a finger ring to the groom. 

Naathanar Vilaku: Through out the wedding rituals the female sibling of the groom (naathanar relation for the bride) should hold a lamp( kai vilaku) standing behind the couple. 

Sapthapathi: Sapthapathi( seven steps) is the ritual where the groom takes the bride’s right hand in his left hand and leads her around the sacred fire seven times while the priest recites Vedic verses that bond the groom and bride with a promise to share a life together. There is significance to these seven steps.

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THAALI KATTUDHAL: This is the most important ritual throughout the wedding process. The groom gives the bride the Koorai pudavai. The bride leaves to wear the Koorai. In the meantime,the Thali ( a thick white thread coated with turmeric paste to give yellow colour also called as sacred thread) is taken around to the guests arrived to get the blessings. After the bride returns wearing the Koorai, the bride and groom exchange garland and groom ties the sacred thread around the neck of the bride and tie three knots as per the tradition. At this point, everyone consent to the wedding with showering akshartha ( a mixture of rice, turmeric and flower taken by them while blessing the Thaali) on the couple. At this moment  the beat of drums and music of nadaswaram deafs our ears with the joyous moments. The bride and groom are thereby, pronounced husband and wife.

AMMI MIDHITHU ARUNDHATI PARTHAL: The bride has to place her feet on an ammi( a rectangular grinding stone) round after encircling the bridal platform thrice. It symbolises that the bride wishes that their marital life is as strong and steady as the grinding stone. As soon as she completes this step, her husband puts a metti( toe ring) on her second toe and shows her the Arundhati(Alcor star).  In Hindu culture, Arundhati, the wife of sage Vasishta is highly spoken about for her loyalty and devotion to her husband. The husband wishes his wife to take up the good virtues of Arundhati by showing it to her.

                                                                                 

17.KUMBITTU VIZHUDHAL or PAALADHAANAM: This is the end of the rituals and the new married gets the blessings from the elder ones.

18. KALYANA PANTHI( WEDDING FEAST): The wedding feast is one of the important rituals of the wedding. They select a best cook to prepare their feast. The feast is traditional and mostly vegetarian. A typical Tamil wedding menu consists of, Steamed rice, Sambar(stew made of lentils and many varieties of vegetables), Rasam( a soup like stew made of tamarind), Puli kuzhambu( tamarind stew with vegetables), Kootu/Poriyal( steamed /sauteed vegetables),Curd,Pickle(mostly mango or lemon), Papad, Payasam(sweet made of moong dal/ noodles and jaggery) and fruit( mostly banana). The meal is always served on banana /plantain leaves. Finally betel leaves and betel nut are distributed to the guests as a tradition. After feast the guests give presentations as either cash or objects to the new married couple. Return gifts are given to the guests by the bride and groom's family. The traditional return gift is a coconut, betel leaves and betel nut and a flower put in a yellow bag. 

19. VILAIYADAL( GAMES): The sisters and brothers of the couple engages the newly married in some funny games, so that they become casual after so many rituals. 

20. MARU VEEDU PUGUDHAL or GRUHAPRAVESAM: The bride and groom enters the groom's house as a couple for the first time where they are invited by groom's mother with an aarti.

These are the important rituals that is followed in traditional way even in this modern life.In this way Tamil people's wedding will be a visual treat for those who attends it. 

This book says lot more about this topic. If you like you can give as return gifts in marriages. 

This book encloses many articles on Tamil cultures, tradition and beliefs. All the books available in Amazon and Notion press. 

FOUR WOMEN- (Struggle & Survival ) Novel  by Tamizh Iniya is based on the problem of impotency that describes a lot about Tamil women's life.